MAN CITY: WE’RE WINNING THIS LEAGUE…AGAIN!! We don’t need to break the bank for that. We’re only interested in breaking records.
LIVERPOOL: Speaking of breaking banks and records…Didn’t you sign Mahrez for a club-record fee?
MAN CITY: Shut up…Look at who’s talking? You signed a Brazilian keeper for 67 million? Really? A goalkeeper…from Brazil…where goalkeeping is never taught. Either you guys have the worst negotiators or Roma have the best ones. I’m guessing the former.
LIVERPOOL: Says the man who signed Ederson for 67 million…
MAN CITY: Shut up!!!
MAN UNITED: The both of you should shut up. You both made expensive signings so what are you shouting about? It’s not like you’re any different from the rest of us that spent reasonably…
ARSENAL: The rest of us? Bro, you must have a short term memory…After blowing close to 500 million in just 36 months…you wanna talk about ‘reasonably’? Fack off man.
(Laughter from Man City & Liverpool)
MAN UNITED: That’s old news ya pricks. This year is different. I’m happy with the squad I have so…
MAN CITY: Yea right. After moaning about getting a defender…
LIVERPOOL: I actually wondered why they needed another one when they have Bailey, Jones…(struggling to hold laugh)…Smalling, Rojo…Young….DAMIAN!!
(Bursts of laugh from everyone except Man United)
ARSENAL: Mehn…That list got worse as you read it…
MAN UNITED: Oh really? Worse than yours?
ARSENAL: Hey. We’ve got a new manager so our slate is clean
CHELSEA: Same here. Pick on someone who signed as much as you did…like Tottenham
(Laughter bursts from everyone except Man United)
TOTTENHAM: Mean facks…we’ll show you
EVERTON: With what? Llorente?
(Even more laughter)
MAN UNITED: So you feel that signing Barcelona rejects makes you what? Good enough?
EVERTON: We made signings…that’s what matters.
MAN CITY: If it was about signings, then I’m sure West Ham and Fulham will make the Champions’ League next season.
LIVERPOOL: …and Tottenham’ll get relegated (laughing)
MAN CITY: THAT’S ACTUALLY POSSIBLE FAM!!! (Laughing hysterically)
CHELSEA: This is a year for surprises. I can feel it…I feel fresh and ready to go.
ARSENAL: That’s your cigar talking fam. You need to get help. Have you seen my manager in training? He’s fire bro.
EVERTON: Every manager is like that…Yours just had his own uploaded on Twitter and Instagram.
ARSENAL: Fack off!!
LIVERPOOL: We’ll know from tomorrow…won’t we?
CHELSEA: I guess we will