MY OWN ARSENAL SQUAD TEAM TALK

So this is it? This is all you can give? A freaking Semi-Final exit in a 2nd-tier European cup competition? Wow, you guys are the worst bunch of pretenders I have EVER met in my life. If I had to pick out a worse bunch of players to disappoint me, I’d pick you guys…with the blue jersey!!! What the hell was that performance? So the gaffer let the kids play against United…so you can put in the kind of performance I probably expected from THEM? Some of you should be rested forever.

I’m gonna start with the Colombian peanut who can’t save a 1-v-1 to save his life, not to talk of the lives of the rest of us. How do you NOT come out quick enough to put Costa off his aim? All he needed was some challenging (and don’t tell me Bellerin had it covered…I’ll get to him). You’ve been a mess since you arrived at this club; I can’t believe we let Wojech go for you to stay. Everything about you is unstable; there’s something about you that screams low confidence, and I’m tired of this lack of assurance you bring everytime you stand in that goalpost!!! You’re a liability gaddamnit!!! Last night was the latest in a long line of reminders. I hope the new manager ships you out to Bogota the minute he’s announced.

Where are those 2 amigos that worked hard to throw us out of this tournament? Yea, those guys: Monreal and Bellerin. Players lining up in the box looking for a simple dinked cross and you guys were fizzing them in like amateurs. Once everyone managed to adjust and take a few steps back to be able to get on the end of the fizzed crosses, you started dinking them in. What the hell? The both of you are horrible at the easiest requirement for a fullback: CROSSING!!! If you got that part right (at least), it would have been easier to tolerate your usual less-than-impressive defending (cos you’re both shite at defending). As for that German clown in the middle of you both, I’m so tired of believing that you can actually defend. When you play, everyone’s heart is right at the tip of their tongues, because you’re always one foot away from a rookie mistake. How do you leave that much space for Costa? Plus, you left him with Bellerin…BELLERIN!!! You’re a piece of work man…a real piece of work.

I dunno if it’s the contract situation or your terrible understanding of how to channel your passion for the game, but watching you wear that captain armband while playing like a spoilt brat will irritate me forever (yes Wilshere, I’m talking about YOU). You played bullshit all night…ALL NIGHT (can’t believe that was even possible). Lack of movement, poor passing, terrible decision-making (just look at that needless yellow card), plus NOT ONE PROPER CHANCE CREATED. You know what? Don’t sign that thing. Get the hell out of this club. I’m sure you’ll fit in well at Wolves or Bournemouth. By the way, that beard you’re keeping makes you look like a battle-hardened relegation fighter. Maybe that should be your new life now.

You would think that landing a 350k-pound weekly paycheck would get you to act like a world-class player…on a more regular basis. Turns out you only give us a performance when you feel like it. Last night, and last week either, didn’t fit into your feel-good days right Ozil? Didn’t think so because you played garbage in both legs of this semi-final. How do you justify that crap? You’re not allowed to play rubbish…not with that contract. There’s no such thing as off-days for you. Get your shit together or…just get your shit together.

Welbeck, I’ve hated you since the club signed your black, incompetent arse back in August 2014. In my opinion, you’re the biggest scam since Andre Santos came here. Your goal record at Man United was warning enough. I can’t, for the love of life, understand how Arsenal THOUGHT they could get turn you into a goalscorer. If Sir Alex could not manage it, no one can. You are an eye-sore of a player who I cannot wait to see back on the bench or in the reserves (all we need is a manager that can see what a waste of space you are and ACT).

As for the rest of you, I hope you’re proud of yourselves. We blew an entire league campaign so we could fail at this point right? What a waste you bunch are. Xhaka and Iwobi, so all the talk of winning this for Wenger was what? Bullshit? You guys have never had the stones to pull this off. On their worst periods, Man United and Chelsea were winning this trophy. Even Liverpool got to the final…and you guys can’t get it together for another 180 minutes? Pathetic.

I hope the new guy is ruthless and screws a lot of you over…COS THAT’S WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!! I actually believed in you. Dragged myself through this dismal league season thinking there was some consolation at the end and this is what you’ve given me. I feel bad for the manager. He’s the only reason I give you guys the benefit of the doubt. But really, now that he’s going, I can be more honest about how I feel: YOU. ALL. COMPLETELY. SUCK.

Later.

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